Yuffie Gets Drunk
by Lonely Citadel
Summary: A short crappy oneshot about what happens at Yuffie's 21 birthday party. Centered around Vincent. Vuffentine if you squint, but not too hard, or you'll miss it! Post DoC, includes dead people.


Yuffie Gets Drunk  
A crappy TamaChanMyu film of the Final Fantasy 7 genre

CRACKFIC! AT 1 IN THE MORNIIIIIINGGGGGGGGGGGG! Muahahaha, see title. THERE ARE COLONS AND SEMICOLONS AND LOTS OF CAPS! You've been warned. Vincent is soooo OOC. I guess. Dunno, characterization has no place within these four broken walls, as the great authoress Rhianwhen says. Yuffentine implied and RenoElena if you squint.

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One sunny day, after Sephiroth, Kadaj, Deep-whatever-and-every-other-living-thing had been defeated, a certain Vincent the Emoman(c) Valentine stopped by a certain Yuffie Kisaragi's house for no reason. Oh, wait, there was a reason; it was Yuffie's 21st birthday. And that meant a drunk Yuffie.

'Fuck my life,' the Emoman(c) thought to himself. He approached the ninja's house, which was easy to spot, because it was painted lime green and surrounded by trash.

Yuffie, and the other unimportant drunk-off-their-ass partygoers, spotted Vincent, and went to greet him. "VINNEHHHH!!!!!" Yuffie screeched, as she tried to jump onto his shoulders, but missed and hit a not-so-random cat named Cait Sith instead. She got her face clawed off.

"It's good to see you, too, Yuffie," Vincent sighed, as he picked Yuffie up and cleaned her off. They had lots of fun with that. BUT! Now we get our minds outta the gutter and return to the story.

Every character that had ever been in the Compilation of FF7 was there, even the dead and forgotten ones. "Vince! You never change! How do ya dewwww taht?!?" The drunk legendary Turk, Veld, shouted.

"A mixture of inner demons and Mako." Vincent calmly replied, ignoring Veld's(who will now be ignored.) drunkenness. "Yuffie, I take it that you have tried beer."

"YEEEWWWW betcha! It's liek, liek...... A purple chocobo!!!" Yuffie ecstatically replied, actually landing on Vincent's shoulders when she jumped. For no reason, Nanaki's forgotten mate, Dinah, decided to show up and have hot sexy sex with him. This was how their cubs were born, sadly.

All of the employees of Shinra were engaged in a game of BS, and Elena was calling BS on everyone and would not shut up. Somehow, she had 56 cards to her hand. Marlene was mixing drinks, Tifa was punching everything in sight, Barrett was singing a very bad rendition of "Dude Looks Like a Lady" while Yazoo shot at him, and Cid was playing with a model of the Shera. Oh, Cloud was impaling people with his hair and Aerith was being repeatedly stabbed by Sephiroth, but to no avail. Vincent knew that it was going to be a long night.

So, to move the story along, a man wearing a red coat with ginger har approached Vincent. "Vincent Valentine! How DARE you take my thunder! I am the great one-and-only Gackt-er, Genesis Rhapsodos!"

Vincent sighed. Another evil and hammered villain to deal with. "There are three things wrong with your statement, Gackt-Genesis-whatever. First, I was born twenty-two years before you. Second, YOU'RE stealing Sephiroth's thing, with the long swishy coat and one black wing, as well as Kuja's, with the poetry. Third, we never interact throughout the entire series. The closest thing we got to being seen at the same time was a crappy FMV cutscene at the end of DoC that is very hard to get. I WASN'T EVEN IN IT," Vincent explained in monotone.

After Vincent left, Genesis subdivided into mini Genesis-copies, up to the point where they got all funny-looking. They ran and his everywhere. Yup, even in the miso.

"Hey!" Tifa yelled, running up to Vincent and punching a mini-Genesis. "You never wished Yuffie a happy birthday! That's all mean! MEANIE!" This would be a very, very long night.

Vincent reluctantly went over to Yuffie, who was now poking Aerith to see if she was really not dead. All we had to do to make this possible was get 99 tissues and enter a code at the Ancient City lake coughcheatcough. Unfortunately, we forgot the code, sorry.

"Yuffie, I apologize for my rudeness and not telling you happy birthday. So, happy birthday Yuffie." Vincent said, once again monotone.

"Yaw, I'll believe youuu if you DRINK THIS IRISH CAR BOMB!!!" Yuffie screamed as she whipped an Irish Car Bomb out of nowhere. Vincent sighed for the upteenth time and downed the car bomb. At that moment, Genesis, who looks quite Irish, commanded his subcopies to explode. One was under a car. TASTE THE IRONY! Anyways, Cloud had been eating the previously mentioned miso, so it exploded in his face. Back to the original theme now. Liquor.

Unfortunately, Chaos had a taste for Irish car bombs, so Vincent got none of the drunk feeling and all of the hangover. "Yuffie, pardon my French, but fuck my life."

Yuffie didn't listen. "Vinnie, you say some weird stuff. Like when you told me about that time ya wore a sombrero and danced the hokey-pokey. Maybe it was a cactuar or a materia or a, a.... umm... eat me, will ya?"

"No Yuffie. If you vomit or pass out on me, I will be very angry." Vincent growled.

"But Vinnie, ah lurve yahs! BLAGH!" Yuffie tripped over Zack's super-pointy-hair-that-Cloud-stole, and landed on Vincent.

Vincent then had a hangover and a drunken, disoriented ninja tackling him. "WOO! VINCE'S GONNA GET HIM SOME TONIGHT!!!" Cid shouted. Everyone WOO'd and then they pased out. Vincent would have one hell of a time cleaning that up.

The next morning, Yuffie found herself in a strange situation with Vincent. Vincent was holding Yuffie in a death grasp. On her bed. He was half naked. She was in her training bra. Yuffie proceeded to let out an ear-splitting shriek that hurt her head, as well as everyone else's in Wutai.

Reno started running screaming fire for no reason, and fell on top of Elena. The problem was that he was half-naked. From the waist down. Hopefully, Elena wouldn't remember that. Or what followed.

And that's how all good crackfics end. With hungover people streaking throughout Asian-inspired cities. ENJOY THE BACON SOAP.

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Okay, so it's probably not 1 when I posted this, or when you read this. Yeah, it was really random and probably sucked with no structure. I just had to write this for no reason. Rawr, please don't flame, the end was horrible, and I like people who don't flame. If you don't want more random shit plaguing my archives, don't flame. If you do want more, just ask, because I'll be happy to get this stuff outta my head. DAMN YOU SHOWER MUSE! Oh, and sorry for all of the Ah! My Goddess cameos. Total otaku here, remember? Bye, loves!


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